I am thankful for...

I have so many things to be thankful for and that's what this post is for, to recognize some of those things.

I am thankful for my health and the ability to carry a child. Pregnancy hasn't been an easy journey for me and I often find myself complaining about the things I find hard rather than focusing on what we will be blessed with at the end of all of this. Not a day goes by that I don't Thank God for our daughter but I need to remember that there are people out there who have it a lot worse than me; woman who are unable to experience this journey that I am on and soak up every minute of it, even the bad ones. I am thankful to feel my daughter kick and punch my insides, knowing she is healthy and full of life already. I am thankful that she has already brought so much love and happiness into our lives. I am thankful that here in a few months, we will be able to hold her and kiss her for the very first time.

I am thankful for my husband. So unbelievably thankful for my husband. I can't express in words what an amazing man he is. The day we married we promised each other our own set of vows and he has exceeded all of them in such unbelievable ways. I was truly blessed the day God brought him into my life because I can't  imagine my life without him. He is my absolute best friend, my whole entire world, and I could never be more thankful to have such a loving, caring, and devoted man to spend my life with and to be the father of my children. When he's tired and has hit rock bottom from working 60+ hours a week, he still finds the energy to spend time with me and make me feel important and loved. He is such a strong, hard working, and determined man. It's because of him that I know our family will always be taken care of. Our children will never go without and we will never have to worry about providing them with the things they need or want. If life gets tough, my husband will get tougher. He is such a caring and selfless man. Always willing to help others, even those who are undeserving, ungrateful, and have said and done hurtful things to him. He doesn't expect "thank you's" when he deserves them. He doesn't expect praise when worthy. He's just an all around good hearted man who treats people the way he would like to be treated. He loves with all of his heart and cares with all of his soul and I couldn't be more grateful to be spending my life with such a remarkable man.

I am thankful for my family and their never ending love and support for Ryan and I. They have accepted Ryan and love him as if he's been a part of the family forever. I'm thankful for the relationship that they have built because it's a beautiful one. Being able to see such a strong bond between my dad, my brother, and my husband is such a special feeling.  I'm thankful to have such a caring and thoughtful mom who is able to tell Ryan that she loves him like her own son and is thankful for everything he has done to make her little girl so happy. I'm thankful that Ryan can understand the difficulties she has been through and love her back because I know Charly, Ryan, and I mean the absolute world to her. I'm thankful that my brother has been kept safe in Afghanistan. I'm thankful for the communication we are able to have and that he will be coming home in a few months. I'm thankful for my Grandmother who is blessing us with her presence every day. It's horrible watching her suffer from Alzheimer's but she is healthy and has such a personality some days. She may not be able to remember things we talk about or things we've done, but we are still able to make memories with her and that is all that matters. I'm thankful for my extended family that have chosen to be a part of our life because a supportive and loving family is so important.

I am thankful for my few, but amazing friends. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have such great ladies in my life. I don't know what I would do without two particular friends, Miss Jessica and Miss Caitlin. These ladies have helped me out in so many different ways. Always there to support me, listen to me, and offer advice. I know I can go to either one of them and not be judged. I can be myself and they accept me just like that. They have never turned their back on me and would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed them. I'm thankful to know what true friendship is because of them. I am thankful for my friends from my past that have made it to my future. I am thankful for the friendships I have lost that weren't obviously friendships at all. I am thankful for the friends that I have never even actually met in person who are more of friends than people I thought were my friends, actually they are more of family than some of my own family.

There are so many other things that I am thankful for, but these top my list for now. I am also thankful that today, Ryan and I get to see our daughter's beautiful face on ultrasound. And I am thankful that soon I can eat a pumpkin pie. And by pumpkin pie, I mean the whole thing, not just one slice.

Happy November Everyone!

It's been awhile.

Wow, it's been awhile since I've been on here. I've tried writing a few times and I get about half way through a post and end up deleting it. I'm not sure why I do that. Maybe I lose interest in what I'm writing about; who knows. Maybe the lack of blog posts is due to the fact that I've begun writing letters to our daughter so I am able to say what I want to there. I wanted a more personal keepsake of this pregnancy for her when she is older. My main hope in writing the letters is that she will know she was loved from the very first second we knew she was coming. I also know there are so many things I'm going to forget over the years, especially by the time she is old enough to start reading and understanding the letters, so it's also a way to document things that are significant right now. I like telling her about her Dad and how he is an amazing husband. I think it's important for her to know that she is the result of a beautiful marriage of two people who are so completely in love. I want her to know who Ryan and I were before we were "Mom & Dad." I really just hope that some day she will enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them to her. Speaking of our little girl, she is doing great. I am now 26 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. Time seems to fly by some days (the good days) and drag on other (bad) days. I know that January will come pretty quickly though, especially with the Holidays coming up. In two days we will be exactly three months from her due date of January 14th. Three months! I can't hardly believe it. I am so anxious to meet her. Thinking about holding her for the first time makes me cry already. I can't wait to hold her little hands and kiss her sweet little face. I know when I see Ryan hold her for the first time my heart will fill with more love than I've probably ever felt. He is going to be such a wonderful Dad. Well, on to something else before I cry my eyes out all day.

My brothers' R&R from Afghanistan was really nice. He spent two weeks here with us and it was so nice having him home. It's funny how things all fall perfectly into place, like he had never even left. He's back in Afghanistan again though until February. Send thoughts and prayers out that way. He and all of our troops can really use them. Ryan's mom also came to visit us this past week and we had a really good time. We took her all over the place and showed her some of our favorite spots in Arizona. The weather could have been a little nicer, but it was just nice having her here! 

Oh, and before I get going... Ryan and I chose a name for our little girl :) We are not revealing it until the baby shower though so sometime after that I will come back and "introduce" her to you! We think it's a beautiful and classy name and I think it suits her perfectly!

Do Better

I don't pray every day. I don't know why I don't when it makes me feel so good. I find myself praying usually when I'm afraid or sad or need something and this makes me feel guilty. I do find myself thinking of The Lord often though and I most certainly am always a believer in Him.

Awhile ago I found myself praying when I was angry. This is something I have never, ever done before. I prayed for strength. Strength to understand. Strength to be the better person. Strength for the ability to forgive. Strength to have sympathy. I didn't expect to open my eyes and suddenly feel this wave of relief. I know sometimes our prayers are answered in strange ways. But this time, I wish it would have happened immediately. I don't like being angry at people but I am. Angry at their stupidity. Angry at their pure selfishness. I don't think I will ever understand some people and the decisions they make no matter how many times I pray for it. I don't think I can be sympathetic for those who have dug themselves into a hole and tried nothing to get themselves out. They just keep digging, knowing they're getting deeper and deeper... Never changing their actions to better the situation. I can't understand that and I don't feel sorry for those people. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. Does that make me a mean person? I don't think so.

I know there are different circumstances in everyone's life that affect them in different ways. I know times aren't always easy but nobody ever said life would be easy either. If you expected it to be that way, that is your own fault. There are twists and turns in every persons life. Struggles that every person has to overcome. It is HOW you deal with these curve balls that determine the outcome. It's HOW you deal with these curve balls that pave paths for your future. If you just stand there and don't "dodge the ball" you better be prepared to face the consequences. You have the opportunity to take a swing or to catch the ball. You have the opportunity to even step aside, think for a minute, and plan for the next ball to come. If you're going to stand in the batting cages and let every ball that is pitched hit you in the face, that is your own fault. Take the initiative and do better for yourself. You can't expect that things will change on their own because they wont. YOU must be the change you wish to see in the world.

I'll do anything...

It's such an odd feeling being able to love someone so much that hasn't even made their way into our little world yet. Right now, her whole world is inside of me and her life depends on me. We haven't even been able to meet her yet but I love our Baby Girl more than I could have ever imagined. I'll do anything to give her everything she needs. I'll do anything to make sure she is healthy and okay.

I spent all day yesterday and last night in the hospital because of a little scare. I started having some contractions and found out I had a partial placenta abruption. It is the most scary thing that has ever happened to me but after close observation and a bunch of lab work, the Doctor told me I could go rest at home. Our little girls heart rate was strong and steady the entire time and she looked as precious as ever on the ultrasound. I was so scared that she was feeling the pain that I was but my nurse reassured me that she was okay. I wanted to hold her and protect her and it broke my heart that there wasn't anything I could do. Already, there isn't a single thing in this world that I wouldn't do for her.

I hope and pray that everything can and will go smoothly from here on out. I pray that my placenta stays attached and the contractions will completely go and stay away until she is ready and healthy enough to be with us. We're over halfway there now so I'm just asking for positive thoughts and prayers to be sent our way. I am so thankful to have the most amazing husband who is always there for me. Without him, I would have been even more of a wreck. He came handy with pillows, blankets, magazines, the computer, and even a beautiful little glass vase with two roses, one for me and one for his Baby Girl. Of course he stayed the night on the pull out bed and checked on me throughout the night. Baby and I are so lucky to have him.

I am pretty, still.

I will admit that pregnancy has made me a little self conscious. Okay, some days very self conscious. I know that some would consider me more fortunate than some other pregnant ladies because I have yet to have single bad break out *knock on wood* and I haven't gained much weight at all, I'm all boobs and tummy. And yes, I will say that I am thankful for that but I still have my days where "ugly" is the only thing I can see when I look in the mirror. I am slowly but surely getting over the awkward stage I like to refer to as the "Is she pregnant or did she just eat too much?" stage. My baby bump is showing up more and more as the days pass and I know it'll just continue to grow which is exciting. Some days I wonder if I'll ever have my flat, toned tummy again. I will embarrassingly admit that the other day I had a serious breakdown thinking I saw a stretch mark on my stomach. I just kept thinking that I was going to be so gross and Ryan wouldn't love me if I had stretch marks. I know, it sounds crazy and it IS a crazy thought, but that is what pregnancy does to you! Later I realized that the red line I saw was actually just a scratch that was starting to appear and I felt better. I was always told that if my mom didn't get stretch marks during her pregnancy, that the chances of me getting them would be slim to none so when I thought I saw one, it was another step in the "Oh my gosh, my body is changing so much" direction and it freaked me out. Ryan laughed and hugged me and reassured me that I am beautiful and will always be beautiful, stretch marks or not. Of course he will and I know that.

I know pregnancy is a roller coaster ride filled with so many different emotions and feelings. I know very well that you can be so confident one second and very uncertain the next. I would say it's one of those "joys of pregnancy" that they didn't mention in any of the books I've read. Maybe there is a book out there about being proud and confident during your pregnancy. Maybe it explains that it's normal and okay to also lose that confidence from time to time, and maybe some tips on dealing with it. Who knows? Maybe I will write it :)

The point of this post though wasn't to talk about how ugly I am or my imperfections. It's to remind myself (and all of you other pregnant ladies out there) that I am pretty. I have always been pretty and I will always be pretty. I am growing a precious little girl inside of me. What could be more beautiful than that? She is healthy and she is active. And she is so unbelievably loved. I would gladly take all the stretch marks and pimples in the world to have this little girl and give her everything she needs. So, here I am saying that if I get a stretch mark it is nothing to be ashamed of. Here I am saying that if it takes me longer to get my pre-baby body back, that is okay. Those are my beauty marks of the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. The gift of life. The gift of our first Baby Girl.

Emotional

I would say for the most part I do good but some days, my emotions come out of the middle of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks... like just now. My brother was just tagged in some pictures on FB from way back in the day, like when he was in HS so over 10 years ago. I don't know why but it made me so unbelievably sad. Party because I miss him so much and partly because I know we're all grown up now and I just wish we could be little again. My brother and I have always been super close so being away from him has always been tough on me. He joined the Marines when I was in 7th or 8th grade and he's been all over the country and around the world several times since then. Right now he is currently in Afghanistan on his 5th deployment and I'm just ready for him to come home and get out of the Marines or get into a non-deployable job. Most of you know that we lived together in North Carolina for over 2 years and that was such an amazing fun time. It was awesome being able to be adults and live together and have such a close relationship with your sibling! You don't often get to do that when you're "grown-up" but we did for awhile and it was great. Now, Ryan and I are in AZ and Charly is in Afghanistan and will go back to NC once he comes home and I just hope that someday we can all live close by again. I am so thankful that Ryan and I have been able to make such a strong connection and close relationship with my family. I knew they would all love him and accept him but he just fits in so perfectly and it well, it's just so perfect. Charly and Ryan are best of buddies and I love that they have eachother! They consider eachother brothers and to me, that is so special. Anyways. I just really miss my brother. We all do and we can't wait for him to come him. I hope he knows how proud of him everyone is. We love you Char!

Charly in Afghanistan

My first hug with Charly after he came home from his 4th deployment

Me and Charly when we were little :) What a good big bro!!

Ryan on the left, Charly on the right. Studs!

Lots On My Mind Today

I have a lot on my mind today so I figured before I start my day, I'd take some time to get everything out so my shoulders don't hurt from this heavy load I've been carrying.

First things first, some exciting news! I think I have finalllly felt our baby move! I am always confused if what I am feeling is gas in my stomach or in fact our precious little one moving around but yesterday, I kind of just "knew." I was laying in bed and felt a little tap about an inch below my belly button and not even a second later felt another tap right next to the first spot. All I could imagine were our little one's feet dancing around in my belly and it was an amazing feeling. I still tried convincing myself it was gas but after talking to some of my girlfriends they confirmed they think the movements are Baby Haley! It makes me so happy. I love Our Baby so much. On another baby note. I finally broke down and bought a fetal heart monitor.I find myself worrying too much and I know being able to hear our Baby's heartbeat whenever I want will really help. I drive myself crazy between doctors appointments! It was shipped today so I hope that it gets here really soon! I can't wait for Ryan to hear it!

Ok, so now for the vent-sesh. This morning on FB someone posted a status that got me thinking. Well, I've been feeling this way for quite some time but this made me feel a little better. It said something along these lines :

"I only want people in my life who want to be there, not the ones who feel they have to be."

I've noticed that some people in my life would probably be just fine without me. They already live as if I barely exist anyways. Actually, some of them would probably be happier if I was no longer in the picture at all. Pretty sad if you ask me but I have to remind myself that they are the unhappy ones, not me. My feelings may get hurt from time to time, but I am nowhere near being unhappy with my life nor do I want to waste my life being angry with people for reasons that I'm too afraid or care too little to even address with that person. If you don't care to talk about things, why care enough to stay angry? Anyways, back to the first thing I mentioned. The people in my life who would be fine without me or already live as if I don't exist. Why do I even need people like this in my life? Why should I need you, if you don't need me too? There are certain people in my life who I thought would care more about the fact that Ryan and I are having our first child that really have made no effort to know anything about this pregnancy. Not a single call or text asking how I'm dealing with the pregnancy or how our Baby is doing. Not a single comment or message on FB asking about the Baby. No excitement towards this wonderful milestone in our life. So absorbed in their own hatred that they can't even be happy for us for one single minute. Or even pretend to be happy for us. I wonder this; If they don't care to know anything about the Baby now, will they even care when this little one arrives? I don't know. This is just one of those things that has been circling around my mind for so long and instead of keeping it in and making my Baby feel all of these things, I figured I'd get it out and let my Baby do a happy dance or something because we do, in fact, have some wonderful, wonderful people in our lives who are excited to be a part of this journey with us and who do are about our little family and I can't let the rest get me down :) Maybe some day they will come around. If not, their loss because Ryan and I and our Baby have lots of happiness to share with the people we care about and love! 

Mommy Issues

So, I've never heard of "mommy issues" before but I imagine it's the same thing as people having "daddy issues." Well, to be honest, I really don't know what either of them technically mean but I will explain to you my meaning of "mommy issues." Today, I realized that I have some mommy issues. I don't mean with myself becoming a mom, but with my mother. Well, maybe I've always somewhat felt hurt/sad but today, unlike ever before, it really actually affected me. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I soon will be a mother myself or what, but like I said, for the first time, it actually made me sad. Growing up, I never had a solid role model for a mom or even a steady mother figure in my life (other than my Grandmother, but she was Grandma, not Mom.) My mom was an alcoholic and after awhile completely forgot how to be a mother to me and my brother. Well, she completely forgot how to do anything besides drink. I can only remember a handful of special times with my Mom and I never realized how tightly I hold on to those few memories because of how much they mean to me until today. I can think of them in such detail that it's like I'm a little girl reliving it all over again. I don't ever want to forget those times. I miss that Mom and it hurts so bad that I only had her in my life for such a short amount of time. I loved that Mom so much. She was such a good Mom. So beautiful and talented and full of life. Then come the bad memories filled with abuse and neglect and horrible things that a child should never see or feel and it makes me so mad that alcohol turned her into that person. It makes me realize all of the important things that she missed out on and all of the things I had to learn or do on my own because she wasn't there. I remember growing up and seeing my friends with their Moms and I never felt jealous or sad or hurt or any of that. But now I am sad and I am hurt. I want a Mom. I wish the little girl Ann had a Mom to braid her hair and a teenaged Ann to have a Mom to cry to when her boyfriend broke her heart and a soon to be mom herself Ann to have a Mom to plan things with. I want someone that I can call and talk to or go shopping with and not feel sad anymore. I know that she never stopped loving me or my brother. I know that no matter what, through everything in her life, we were still her pride and joy. We were everything to her but she made us feel like nothing. Now here we are, almost 20 years later and she is sober but she isn't the same person. She will never be the same person as she was those few good times I remember. I know it's not right but there is still resentment in my heart. Not because I don't love her or I'm mad at her because I do love her and I do forgive her. But because her actions made both of us miss out on so much of each others lives and I think that will always hurt me, even when I'm 80 years old. She doesn't know why I am the woman that I am today because she wasn't there. She doesn't know the things I like or the things I don't like because she was never there to learn. She doesn't know any of my secrets because I could never trust her enough to share them with her. And I never got to experience or learn any of that about my Mom either. I couldn't even tell you if she likes mayonnaise or not and it may seem silly to you, but I want to know if she likes mayonnaise because I hate it. I just want to know everything because I should know everything.

Some people ask me if I'm afraid of becoming a Mom because I don't even know what it was like growing up with a Mom of my own. Absolutely not. Because I know what is important. I know all of the things I wish my Mom could have been there for or been a part of. I know all of the things I missed out on because she was never there. All of the things that I never had are things I'm excited to do for my own children. I want to be the Mom that I never had, and I will be. And thankfully, I have an amazing Dad who worked so hard to give me and my brother everything we could have ever wanted or needed. I had a Dad who loved me and took care or me and provided for me. So even though I missed out on having a Mom around and it makes me sad now, growing up, I never felt different or "short-handed" because of it because my Dad was Everything I could have needed growing up. If I can be half the parent that my Dad was to us, my children will still be very lucky.

One Year!

So, tomorrow is the day! I can't believe it's been a year already since Ryan and I said "I Do." Well, in some ways I can because our life has changed so much in so many different ways. Looking back over it all, I can honestly say this has been the best, no... the most amazing year of my life. I think about the times we've shared, the memories we've made and I am so unbelievably thankful for the life and the husband I have been blessed with. Sometimes I really am shocked at how lucky I got. Ryan is everything I could have ever hoped or dreamed for in a husband and best friend. He is my absolute life. It's stunning that I can't come up with the words to describe just how much I love him. Just thinking of the day we shared our vows and promised to love each other forever brings tears to my eyes, comfort to my heart, and happiness to my soul. To this day, it has been the happiest, most meaningful day of my life and knowing that tomorrow completes our first year and is the start to many more years to come is just amazing. 


Of course, Ryan being the thoughtful man that he is, planned a big surprise anniversary trip for the two of us but accidentally spilled the beans one day while on the phone with a friend. "Ya, my wife and I are going to Vegas in two weeks...Oh shit, she's standing right here..." I looked over with a huge smile and he said "Well, surprise babe! We're going to Las Vegas for 5 days!" We couldn't help but laugh about it. He had booked the flights, the resort, and 3 events all without me finding out or having a single clue what he was up to. We will be going to Cirque du Soleil which I have wanted to see for at least 10 years, Phantom of the Opera which I am so excited about not only for the show but also to see the magnificent theater it's performed in, and also visiting the Bodies Exhibit which is going to be so neat! We're even staying in a resort that I have wanted to stay in forreeevvvvver! And as exciting as this trip is going to be, the most amazing part is that I have someone who loves and cares about me and our marriage enough to plan such a special trip for the two of us. It will be such a nice time. And a super added bonus is that we don't have to drive! So, next Friday we will be departing the ole' hot desert of Arizona and entering into the exciting, even hotter desert of Las Vegas, Nevada! Yippie! 


So, here is to us, Ryan and Ann! Here is to love! Here is to a life filled with all the love and happiness a couple could hope for! Here is to the memories we've made and the journey that lies ahead! Sharing my life with you makes me the happiest woman in the world. Together, we truly have it all! I love you Ryan, more than all the stars in the sky, forever and ever, for the rest of my life. 


Now, a little flash back to The Day We Promised Forever.

And another misc. video to enjoy :

Major Vent Sesh

WARNING: Complaining follows.

Okay, so I absolutely can not stand selfish people and it's recently become more noticeable that my life is filled with quite a few. Well, I wouldn't say quite a few. Lets say a handful. For the longest time I thought "Eh, who cares." and most days, that really is how I feel. Why let people who care more about themselves affect the way I feel? Well, today is not one of those days. Today, I just want to ask them what the hell their problem is and tell them that life doesn't revolve around just them and what makes them happy. People have lives, get used to it and stop using your own jealousy and selfishness as a silent excuse to act the way you do. Sometimes in life, you put your own issues aside and for once just be happy for someone else and the happy things going on in their life. Stop holding grudges over whatever ridiculous things you're still upset over. Stop complaining about things that you have control over also. EVERYTHING WORKS BOTH WAYS! Stop blaming everything on everyone else because YOU are a part of this "issue" as well and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll feel. And also, stop blaming everything on just me.

It doesn't get much better than this....

Thank you, Lord, for Ryan. He is the most amazing husband a girl could ever hope for. He loves me and shows me in the most wonderful ways each and every day. My life wouldn't be complete without him and each and every day I am so thankful for this life you've given us. I thought love like this only existed in fairy tales but you surprised me and blessed me with my very own. You've given us the gift of life and together we will raise this child with the most love and happiness a person could hope for. So, I thank you today, and every day, for these blessings I couldn't live without.

VACA!

Vacation time! Mini vacation time, that is. But nonetheless, we are so looking forward to our getaway weekend coming up! We have been non stop on the go since we moved to Arizona, it seems. Almost immediately after moving here, we both picked up full time jobs... Ryan's being a job and a half with the crazy amount of hours he works... along with putting in extra hours working on the house, starting our garden, buying a new car, finding out about Baby, and everything else, it just feels as if we haven't had much time to just relax and enjoy ourselves and each other. Well, this weekend that's exactly what we're going to do. We're getting away to a peaceful resort with beautiful pools and private cabanas and fancy restaurants in a gorgeous setting and we're going to do nothing except relax... Okay, and do a little shopping for The Hub's at Cabela's :) All I've wanted to do for the longest time is just relax by the pool, get some sun, enjoy the cool water, and spend some quality, task-free time with Ryan. IS IT FRIDAY YET!? I just absolutely can not wait for this weekend to get here! I need to make a list of supplies to buy before we head out : Sun screen, new towels, big floppy hat, maybe a new pool bag... Maybe I will go get those today... or maybe I should wait so I'm not staring at them in anticipation while the next 4 days creep by. At least mid week I have something to look forward to. My next doctors appointment to hear the babies heartbeat! Yay! That is always so exciting! I haven't been able to hear it yet, I've just watched the rhythm of it on the screen so this is an extra special appointment and I can't wait! Ahh, well Ryan is about to call on his lunch break so I'll wrap this up but be on the lookout for our vaca pictures on FB next week! Adios!

1 + 1 = 3

One plus one equals three. True or False? Most people would argue that one plus one actually equals two therefore my statement rings false. On the other-hand though, if you're talking about my current situation, my statement actually rings true. Confused? Let me put it this way. One person + another person often = a little person. And if you're still confused... my gosh! I'M PREGNANT! No simpler way of putting it than that :) I know, I can't believe it either. Pretty dang exciting, eh? We found out a little over a month ago now and the thought of having a child is definitely sinking in. The feelings of having a child are definitely sinking in as well. I'm talking about the wonderful, so called, "morning sickness" that actually occurs all day long, every day of my life. And the pure sense of exhaustion I get, also, every day of my life. Some days it's frustrating beyond belief to feel this worthless all the time. I'm literally too tired to cook dinner when I get home from work and my days off are spent trying to catch up on rest so it's safe to say that come Sunday, we have a ton of laundry to catch up on. And as frustrating as the sickness gets, the days I get to see our baby on the ultrasound or watch the rhythm of it's heartbeat make it more than worth it. There is nothing like seeing your own child developing and moving in your own body. Because I'm still very early on, I don't feel the baby inside of me (the side effects, yes!) so being able to see it on the ultrasound reassures me that all of this crappiness is so so so worth it!! My first ultrasound was at 5.5 weeks and the baby was a teeny tiny dot that decided to show up at the very last second. My second ultrasound was at 8.5 weeks and again, I was expecting to see a little dot show up, maybe just a little bigger than the last time, but wow! Our baby had grown so much in 3 weeks and it was such an exciting feeling! You could even see the umbilical cord which completely amazed me. My next US will be between 16-20 weeks when we find out the sex of the baby. I have a strange feeling that it's a little girl. I've felt that way since day one so I will be surprised if we're having a little boy. Ryan is hoping our first is a little boy, of course. He said he wants a little boy to call "Buddy" and take fishing, hunting, and camping. So cute! I will be happy with whatever God blesses us with, boy or girl, as long as he/she is healthy :) That's all I can ask for! It is still crazy for me to think that come January, Ryan and I will be welcoming our first child into our lives. We are so ready for it though. I am so thankful to have married the man I did. Not only is he the most helpful, supportive, loving man I could ever ask for, I know in my heart that he is going to be an amazing Dad and that means the world to me. I know that together we can accomplish anything and that we will both strive to give our child the most wonderful life imaginable I'm also thankful to have such a welcoming and supportive family who is also so excited for our newest addition to arrive. When we told my family, tears were a flowin' and smiles and laughter filled the air. We are so lucky to have them. Even more though, we are so lucky to have been given such an amazing gift of life; our first Baby.

Almost That Time...

I can not believe it's already June! I've been thinking a lot about this time last year and all that has happened since then. This time last year, my NC ladies and I were preparing for our Marines to come home from their deployment to Afghanistan. Although we still had a little over a month left, it was such an exciting time! I can remember perfectly the talks about what homecoming would be like, the planning on what to wear, the sign making, and just the all around joy we all felt that our men were finally coming home. As our one year anniversary of having our Marines home approaches, I'm filled with so many different emotions. The first; shock. I can't believe a year has already passed. In some ways, it feels like they just got home last week. The second; pure gratefulness that my husband was able to come home to me. Not everyone is lucky enough to say that and it breaks my heart. Third; pride that our men have the strength and courage to do the job that they do, selflessly. And although this one year anniversary is a mile marker in Ryan's journey and in our life, my heart weighs heavy this year. Approaching the one year anniversary of our men coming home, Ryan's Battalion will be preparing to leave on another tour to Afghanistan. Just one year after being home, they're sent away again. I can't describe the mixed emotions that both Ryan and I are feeling. At first I think of how thankful I am that he doesn't have to go back and immediately afterwards I think of one of my best friends who for the second time, will be delivering their new baby girl shortly after saying goodbye to her husband for the second time. I think of another friend who will be experiencing her first deployment in a completely new city clear across the country from her family. I think of the friends who just welcomed the newest addition to their family and are already forced to say goodbye to Daddy. I think of the friends that I cried with, prayed with, shared my deepest feelings with who will also be saying goodbye to their husbands again. I think about how lonely we felt, how sad and worried we felt. I remember the only thing getting me through the 6 weeks I hadn't heard from Ryan was the comfort of my friends. I think about the men who will miss their child's birth or will miss the first laugh or steps that their child takes. I think of the men who fear not making it home to their new wife. It's hard to feel thankful without feeling guilty that my husband is staying home when some of the people that I care most about are going to be experiencing one of the most difficult times in their lives without me. I mean, they know I'm a phone call away but there is something about experiencing it together that makes it different. This isn't going to make much sense... I don't wish to go through another deployment but I do wish to go through this difficult time with my friends. I want to be able to be there for them and help them like we were able to help each other last deployment. This time has also been difficult on Ryan. Although getting out of the Marines was a decision that he made, knowing that his Marines are going back without him has been hard for him to accept. He says "it's weird" knowing that he's not able to be there to help his guys out. As much as his deployments sucked, he, in a way, enjoyed them. Of course he missed being away from family and away from the comforts of his own home, but infantry was his job and he loved it. He's a natural born leader and was good at what he did. He liked being able to do his job and there is something about "being with the guys" in Afghanistan that you just don't feel anywhere else. He always says, "if they needed me, I'd go back in a heartbeat." Some people ask me how I'd feel if he went back in. Honestly, if he went back in to help his Marines out, I would be so proud. Of course I would feel scared and sad at times, but how can you not be proud of a man who cares so deeply for something like that? I would support his decision 110% if it was what he knew he wanted and needed to do. I don't really know where I'm going with this other than that my heart just breaks for these people that we love and care so much about. I know I wont personally be experiencing this deployment with these ladies, but in my heart, I am. I know what it feels like. I know how hard it is and if it means anything, I'm here and always will be. Each and every day I pray for these ladies and their Marines and will continue to pray until each of them is reunited with their loved ones. God Bless the Marines, Sailors, and families of 1st Battalion 6th Marines.

Busy Doesn't Begin To Explain It

I can't explain how wonderful it feels to be relaxing at home on a Monday! For those of you who don't know, I'm in my 4th week of my new job! It is going very well and besides the normal crap that comes with any new job, I'm loving what I do! I'm working at a therapeutic boarding school for troubled teenaged girls and I can already tell that it will be an amazingly rewarding experience. Sundays and Mondays are my days off but the past few weeks have been hectic so my schedule was all messed up and I think this is the first Monday I've had off since I started. I'm using the time to catch up on things like grocery shopping, house decor shopping, and of course, some relaxing! Tuesdays thru Saturdays are my normal schedule. I get off rather early though so I'm home before Ryan and still have the whole afternoon to get dinner ready and things together for the next day, so that is nice. Ryan is currently working 55+ hours a week at work so you can imagine how busy (and tired!) he is. Bless his sweet little heart, he is such a hard worker and still finds the time and energy to make me the happiest girl in the world. Lately, he's been surprising me with a fresh bouquet of flowers every single week! After working 12 hours a day you would think he'd want to come home and just fall right asleep. Nope. He's always thinking of something loving and thoughtful. How did I get so lucky!?

My Grandmother Dorothy passed away earlier this month and was laid to rest last week. What a wonderful woman she was. Always willing to do whatever she could for everyone else with a smile on her face and love in her heart. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's for years and her health began to deteriorate so as sad as it is that she isn't physically here with us anymore, I'm thankful that she is no longer sick and in pain. Knowing that she is able to watch after us and be apart of our lives in a more spiritual way brings happiness to my heart. My brother was able to come home from Afghanistan on emergency leave to spend time with the family and attend the funeral. I'm so thankful for that. He has to go back this Friday and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I've missed him so much since he's been gone and it seemed as if everything just fell back into place and having him here just felt normal. I knew that sooner or later he'd have to leave.. I just wish it wasn't back to Afghanistan. But he has a job to do, and he'll do it and come back. It's just so nice having everyone together. I love that him and Ryan got to spend so much quality time together. They are the best of friends and I am so grateful for that. They are so funny together and I know that Ryan will miss having him around too.

Lets see, what else? Progress on our house has somewhat slowed down due to not enough hours in the week. With Ryan working 55+ hours/week and me working 40/week, we're pretty exhausted. Saturday afternoons and Sundays are our only days to get things done and the weekends seem to just fly by so quickly. We did get tile laid in our bathroom though and it looks so beautiful! The only part left is around the toilet and we have planned to pull it out this weekend and finish it up. I also need to paint one more wall and hopefully I can get that done someday after work this week. I went and bought 4 really pretty lamps today for around the house, so that's exciting. I love decorating the house! We were planning on laying wood floors throughout the remainder of the house but we've decided to go with carpet and I am so excited for that! I really wanted carpet all along! It's so much more homey to me and I'd rather run a vacuum than sweep and mop any day!

Well, hubs just called and is on his way home from work so I better get going. I think I'll make some chicken alfredo for dinner. Ooo, yummy!

HAPPINESS

If you want to be happy, then be. Don't let anyone else get in the way of that. Don't let the actions of others bring you down. Simply find the things that bring joy to your life and forget about all the rest. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you. The most important thing is how you feel about yourself and I feel really good about the person I am. I may not be the prettiest girl or the richest girl in the eyes of some, but to me, I have it all. I have a heart that loves like no other, a soul that cares for all, and a mind that keeps me focused on what truly matters. I put my heart and soul in everything that I do and that makes me pretty. I have a husband who loves and adores me and does a wonderful job at making me feel like the most beautiful and loved girl in the world. I get to share the most amazing things in life with him. I have a family that loves us to pieces and supports us through every decision we've made to this day. I have friends that have become my "chosen family" that I cherish and would do anything for. That makes me rich.

Focus on the things that really matter. We all have qualities that make us the "prettiest" and the "richest." Some times you've just got to sort through all the crap and remind yourself what it is that makes you, you. The pretty you. The rich you. The you that you love. The you that the important people in your life love. That is what matters. A friend of mine once told me (after telling her I was worried about what someone thought about me), "...Don't worry about them. If they don't like you, they obviously don't know you or are passing judgment because of something they're unhappy or upset about. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person because you're one of the most kind, loving, good hearted people I've known my whole life." I know that because she's my friend she'll always have something nice to say, but it's true and goes for everyone. If someone doesn't like you or passes judgment on you, don't take it personally. Stop and think about why they don't like you or why they're upset with you. I would almost guarantee that 9 times out of 10, it's a selfish, self centered reason; something that has more to do with them rather than with you. Whether it be personal insecurities, plane ole' selfishness, or whatever, it shouldn't affect the way you feel about yourself. Remember the famous quote... "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Give people a chance before passing judgement, they might turn out to be an amazing friend! Embrace life and be happy!!

Do you think he really cares what people think about him?

Why should we!?

Late Night Ramblin'

After posting "late night" in my title, I looked at my clock to see it's only 8 o'clock, HA! Since Ryan has started working his new job, we get up at 2am so our bedtime is usually 6:30-7:00. Most nights, like tonight, we put a movie in and watch until we fall asleep. Tonight however, I'm trying to stay up a bit later so I can hopefully sleep better. I know it sounds creepy but I love watching Ry sleep. Not for like hours, that would in fact be creepy, but just looking over and seeing him sleep makes me just want to hug him so tight! I wonder if all people in love feel this way? Well, whatever. On a different note, I applied for a job at a school called Spring Ridge Academy last week and was called in for an interview a couple days later. Well, today I got the call offering me the job! I was so excited and so proud of myself but hesitant to take the job because of the hours. It's a boarding school so it's functioning 24/7 and unfortunately I got offered either 2nd or 3rd shift which would really cut back my time with Ryan. We talked things over and I ended up accepting the position for 3rd shift. All in all, I'm pretty excited and I know it will be a great opportunity. I'm so happy that they felt I'd be a good candidate for such an amazing position. I'm just very proud of myself. And if it's not all that I hoped it would be, I can always quit. I'd rather know for sure than wonder "what if?" There's only one way to find out and thats to try it out so we shall see!

I was going to complain about some stuff thats been bothering me today but you know what... I'm feeling too happy and too blessed right now to even worry about the selfish, mean people in my life and they're not worth my energy. Instead, I'm going to curl up with the most amazing husband and have a great night. You do the same!

Birthday Boy

Ryan's birthday is almost here! My hubs is turning 24! I am super excited for so many reasons for his birthday that I could just scream! The biggest thing is that he hasn't celebrated a birthday since he first joined the Marine Corps. He says it's been more than 5 years since he's celebrated and that is just unacceptable! Three years ago, his birthday landed during his first deployment to Afghanistan. Two years ago, his birthday landed during a rainy, month long deployment training in AP Hill. Last year, his birthday landed during his second deployment to Afghanistan where he stood post for 18 hours and didn't realize it was his birthday until it was almost over. Although I sent him an awesome birthday package, it still doesn't count as celebrating. All of that is changing this year! If you know Ryan, you know that he is a super simple guy who isn't too fond of being surprised with say, a huge party or something along those lines. He doesn't expect some grand celebration or extravagant gift. He's just a really simple, down to earth type guy. So, let me go back a ways to help you understand my birthday planning ideas. Ever since I've known him, Ryan has talked about how badly he's wanted to go skydiving. Since he came home from his second deployment, he's begged me to go with him countless times all of which I've firmly said NO! Yeahhh right! Me go skydiving? I don't think so. At least not until I try a few other things to help me work up the courage, like for example, riding roller coasters, hang gliding, etc. So, with his birthday coming up I've been wondering what to get a guy who doesn't need or want anything, really. I mean, I thought of a few thoughtful gifts, but I wanted something to make this birthday really memorable for him. And the thought came to my mind : SKYDIVING! I found a place here in Arizona that offers skydiving over one of the most beautiful spots in the state and I booked a date and was super excited! I was planning on just driving him up there the day of, and surprising him by saying "You're going skydiving!" I know that completely contradicts everything I said about what Ryan likes... Something simple, no surprises... but this was different and I knew he'd love it. Well, if you know me, you know I'm horrible at keeping surprises and I ended up spilling the beans and telling him what I had planned. He was so excited he couldn't quit smiling. I guess when I told him I should have said YOU are going skydiving, not, WE are going skydiving because he immediately said "You're going too!?!" Oh.. Nope, not me. Well, after talking about it, he told me how important it was that we do something together for his birthday and that his first time skydiving, he wanted me to be there with him, jumping out right after him. And even though I told him how exciting it would be for me to see him float down to the ground, we decided that someday, probably later than sooner, we would sky dive together. So, that left me to decide a new birthday plan. Poo. I went to work on it though and came up with something just as enjoyable, but nothing near as extreme. Something simple, just the way he'll like it. There is a place about 45 minutes away called "Out of Africa" and it's a wildlife refuge type place where you can interact with and see all kinds of different animals and watch some really neat shows they put on. You go on a Safari that tours the place and everything. It takes awhile to see and do everything, so by the time we're ready to leave, we'll be hungry enough to enjoy a dinner in beautiful, sunny, Sedona; one of the most talked about and beautiful places I've ever been to. They have such amazing food and beautiful views. It's going to be the most perfect end to a wonderful day. I am super excited and the best part is, Ryan wanted me to keep this one a surprise and I've done a good job and not giving any hints! So, that's what we'll be doing this coming Saturday. His birthday isn't until next Wednesday though, which I also have something planned for! We've been craving chinese food since we moved to Arizona, but there aren't many restaurants near by that serve it, so for his birthday, we're going to a Chinese food place with our family. Afterwards, we'll come home and have the homemade cake I'm going to bake. I'm going to bake a white cake with homemade cream cheese frosting, and raspberry filling with raspberries on top! Perrrrfect! Raspberries are his favorite so let's hope it turns out super delish!

Long Overdue

Wow! I didn't realize it had been this long since I've updated my blog. So many things have happened since the last time I wrote so let's get started!

Ryan is officially out of the Marines and we now live in Arizona! We made our journey cross country about a month ago and we're finally getting settled. We had a bunch of little projects to do on our house and the first one is finished... the bedroom! I wish I would have remembered to take a "before" picture because the transformation is unbelievable! It is so nice and cozy and we're so happy to finally have a place to call ours. Here are some pictures of the bedroom and I'll throw some in of the kitchen as well. As we make more progress, I'll add some more!!

Part of the kitchen while we were unpacking

Kitchen Area

Part Of The Bedroom, we added all the wood trim

The 3 cubby things are shelves and mirrors

I don't know why this one is blurry but thats the door leaving the room and the arched doorway is our bathroom

That's it for now, dinner time!

Babies for The Haley's

Recently I posted on Facebook, and here, about some potential super duper exciting news for Ryan and me and I was surprised at how many people thought that we were pregnant!! I understand why a lot of people would assume that is what I was referring to. We're a newly married, young couple and that is something that newly married, young couples do and look forward to, but that is not what I was talking about. Don't get me wrong, I most definitely look forward to having a family with Ryan and the thought of it excites me beyond belief but not right now. We're 22 and 23 years old, we have a lot of things that we want to do and experience before having children. We have goals we want to accomplish and want to be in a "secure" place before bringing a child into this world. That doesn't mean that I don't catch "baby fever" every now and then because believe me, I DO, and I convince and think to myself, "I want a baby now!" but in all reality, we'd both like to wait. Part of our reasons I guess could be considered selfish... We enjoy our life right now the way that it is, just the two of us. We treasure the alone time we have with each other and use it to truly learn more about one another and fall even more in love than we could have imagined. We like having the option to just "get up and go" as we please. But then there are the reasons we both feel very strongly about. Like I said before, we want to be in a "secure" place in our life. We both want steady careers and a good source of income so we're not worried about living paycheck to paycheck or worrying if our child is going to have everything that it needs. We want a safe and happy place that our children can call home. A place that we are proud to call "ours." A steady, happy, and healthy life. This isn't about being " The Jones' " or even keeping up with them. It's not about having the perfect little house on the corner with the white picketed fence and red front door. I know that even when we feel we are prepared enough for children, we'll still have struggles along  the way and at times feel like we are falling short as parents. Every parents dream is to give their child everything they want and everything they need. What better way to achieve your goals than to start by building a strong foundation in which you can build off of? We want our children to be able to look back on their lives and be proud of the family they came from. We won't ever be perfect parents but we will be the best parents we possibly can for our children. When the time is right for Ryan and I, it will happen and when it does, they are going to be the cutest, most precious little babies you've ever seen.

Super Duper Exciting

So, I have some super duper exciting news that I want to share, but I can't because Ryan thinks I'll jynx it, so when and if it becomes official be on the lookout for a super duper exciting blog.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!! Yippie!!

2 Years & Counting

Well, today is mine and Ryan's 2 year anniversary! It's hard to believe that it was two years ago today that Ryan and I had our first date. It feels like 10 years ago, but in a good way! We have both grown so much and our appreciation for each other and our love is at an all time high. Two years ago today, I was literally pacing back and forth in my living room waiting for him to pick me up.  I decided to wear a really cute navy blue flowy top with some jeans and some super cute navy blue and white heals. I looked pretty cute :) I watched as he zoomed on passed my house, missing the driveway. I felt a sigh of relief knowing I had an extra minute to chill out and catch my breath. It was so unlike me to be getting nervous over a first date but holy heck, I was more nervous than I had ever been. So anyways. Here he comes, pulling into the driveway as I walk outside to wave him down. Thinking I'd just walk over and get in the car, he surprised me by getting out and giving me a big hug. I don't even think I said hi... all I could say was "Are you wearing Abercrombie cologne?" Really, Ann? That's all you could think of? So, we headed to town and about 3 miles down the road, Ryan completely runs a stop sign while trying to show off his sweet driving skills in his new BMW, almost killing both of us. Jokingly I asked him if I should drive and I think I embarrassed him. The original plan was to just go to dinner and if we ended up hitting it off, we'd go see a movie. I was super paranoid that after dinner I'd want to go see a movie and he'd just want to take me home, a sure sign that he wasn't interested. Much to my surprise though, one of the first things he asked was if I'd like to go to a movie first and then get some dinner. I took that as a good sign :) We went and saw Marley and Me and yes, I cried my eyes out. When I cry, my eyes get suuupper red, suuupper puffy, and my chest and neck get really blotchy. Attractive, right? Haha. Ryan didn't seem to mind though. So, he told me he wanted to take me to this Hibachi Grill and thought he could remember how to get there... Well, he couldn't and we ended up driving around for a good 45 minutes trying to find the place. Needless to say, we settled for Mexican food. I figured that after dinner, the night was over and he'd take me home but out of nowhere he said "I don't know what there is to do in this town. All I know is that I'm not ready to say goodnight to you yet." How perfect :) We ended up spending the rest of the evening talking about everything you could imagine. I think he took me home around 1 or 2 in the morning, haha. And well, that was the start to our journey. Here we are, two years later, husband and wife, living our dream. I couldn't be more thankful to be spending my life with that crazy Marine who ran a stop sign, took me to a movie that made me cry, and got me lost on the way to dinner... Oh, and by the way, I was right about the cologne :)

Happy Anniversary Babe!