Almost That Time...

I can not believe it's already June! I've been thinking a lot about this time last year and all that has happened since then. This time last year, my NC ladies and I were preparing for our Marines to come home from their deployment to Afghanistan. Although we still had a little over a month left, it was such an exciting time! I can remember perfectly the talks about what homecoming would be like, the planning on what to wear, the sign making, and just the all around joy we all felt that our men were finally coming home. As our one year anniversary of having our Marines home approaches, I'm filled with so many different emotions. The first; shock. I can't believe a year has already passed. In some ways, it feels like they just got home last week. The second; pure gratefulness that my husband was able to come home to me. Not everyone is lucky enough to say that and it breaks my heart. Third; pride that our men have the strength and courage to do the job that they do, selflessly. And although this one year anniversary is a mile marker in Ryan's journey and in our life, my heart weighs heavy this year. Approaching the one year anniversary of our men coming home, Ryan's Battalion will be preparing to leave on another tour to Afghanistan. Just one year after being home, they're sent away again. I can't describe the mixed emotions that both Ryan and I are feeling. At first I think of how thankful I am that he doesn't have to go back and immediately afterwards I think of one of my best friends who for the second time, will be delivering their new baby girl shortly after saying goodbye to her husband for the second time. I think of another friend who will be experiencing her first deployment in a completely new city clear across the country from her family. I think of the friends who just welcomed the newest addition to their family and are already forced to say goodbye to Daddy. I think of the friends that I cried with, prayed with, shared my deepest feelings with who will also be saying goodbye to their husbands again. I think about how lonely we felt, how sad and worried we felt. I remember the only thing getting me through the 6 weeks I hadn't heard from Ryan was the comfort of my friends. I think about the men who will miss their child's birth or will miss the first laugh or steps that their child takes. I think of the men who fear not making it home to their new wife. It's hard to feel thankful without feeling guilty that my husband is staying home when some of the people that I care most about are going to be experiencing one of the most difficult times in their lives without me. I mean, they know I'm a phone call away but there is something about experiencing it together that makes it different. This isn't going to make much sense... I don't wish to go through another deployment but I do wish to go through this difficult time with my friends. I want to be able to be there for them and help them like we were able to help each other last deployment. This time has also been difficult on Ryan. Although getting out of the Marines was a decision that he made, knowing that his Marines are going back without him has been hard for him to accept. He says "it's weird" knowing that he's not able to be there to help his guys out. As much as his deployments sucked, he, in a way, enjoyed them. Of course he missed being away from family and away from the comforts of his own home, but infantry was his job and he loved it. He's a natural born leader and was good at what he did. He liked being able to do his job and there is something about "being with the guys" in Afghanistan that you just don't feel anywhere else. He always says, "if they needed me, I'd go back in a heartbeat." Some people ask me how I'd feel if he went back in. Honestly, if he went back in to help his Marines out, I would be so proud. Of course I would feel scared and sad at times, but how can you not be proud of a man who cares so deeply for something like that? I would support his decision 110% if it was what he knew he wanted and needed to do. I don't really know where I'm going with this other than that my heart just breaks for these people that we love and care so much about. I know I wont personally be experiencing this deployment with these ladies, but in my heart, I am. I know what it feels like. I know how hard it is and if it means anything, I'm here and always will be. Each and every day I pray for these ladies and their Marines and will continue to pray until each of them is reunited with their loved ones. God Bless the Marines, Sailors, and families of 1st Battalion 6th Marines.