Do Better

I don't pray every day. I don't know why I don't when it makes me feel so good. I find myself praying usually when I'm afraid or sad or need something and this makes me feel guilty. I do find myself thinking of The Lord often though and I most certainly am always a believer in Him.

Awhile ago I found myself praying when I was angry. This is something I have never, ever done before. I prayed for strength. Strength to understand. Strength to be the better person. Strength for the ability to forgive. Strength to have sympathy. I didn't expect to open my eyes and suddenly feel this wave of relief. I know sometimes our prayers are answered in strange ways. But this time, I wish it would have happened immediately. I don't like being angry at people but I am. Angry at their stupidity. Angry at their pure selfishness. I don't think I will ever understand some people and the decisions they make no matter how many times I pray for it. I don't think I can be sympathetic for those who have dug themselves into a hole and tried nothing to get themselves out. They just keep digging, knowing they're getting deeper and deeper... Never changing their actions to better the situation. I can't understand that and I don't feel sorry for those people. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. Does that make me a mean person? I don't think so.

I know there are different circumstances in everyone's life that affect them in different ways. I know times aren't always easy but nobody ever said life would be easy either. If you expected it to be that way, that is your own fault. There are twists and turns in every persons life. Struggles that every person has to overcome. It is HOW you deal with these curve balls that determine the outcome. It's HOW you deal with these curve balls that pave paths for your future. If you just stand there and don't "dodge the ball" you better be prepared to face the consequences. You have the opportunity to take a swing or to catch the ball. You have the opportunity to even step aside, think for a minute, and plan for the next ball to come. If you're going to stand in the batting cages and let every ball that is pitched hit you in the face, that is your own fault. Take the initiative and do better for yourself. You can't expect that things will change on their own because they wont. YOU must be the change you wish to see in the world.

I'll do anything...

It's such an odd feeling being able to love someone so much that hasn't even made their way into our little world yet. Right now, her whole world is inside of me and her life depends on me. We haven't even been able to meet her yet but I love our Baby Girl more than I could have ever imagined. I'll do anything to give her everything she needs. I'll do anything to make sure she is healthy and okay.

I spent all day yesterday and last night in the hospital because of a little scare. I started having some contractions and found out I had a partial placenta abruption. It is the most scary thing that has ever happened to me but after close observation and a bunch of lab work, the Doctor told me I could go rest at home. Our little girls heart rate was strong and steady the entire time and she looked as precious as ever on the ultrasound. I was so scared that she was feeling the pain that I was but my nurse reassured me that she was okay. I wanted to hold her and protect her and it broke my heart that there wasn't anything I could do. Already, there isn't a single thing in this world that I wouldn't do for her.

I hope and pray that everything can and will go smoothly from here on out. I pray that my placenta stays attached and the contractions will completely go and stay away until she is ready and healthy enough to be with us. We're over halfway there now so I'm just asking for positive thoughts and prayers to be sent our way. I am so thankful to have the most amazing husband who is always there for me. Without him, I would have been even more of a wreck. He came handy with pillows, blankets, magazines, the computer, and even a beautiful little glass vase with two roses, one for me and one for his Baby Girl. Of course he stayed the night on the pull out bed and checked on me throughout the night. Baby and I are so lucky to have him.