Military Widows

So, after telling one of my friends today that I was thinking about deleting my blog, I find myself here at the kitchen table ready to write again. I just realized that even if nobody reads this, I need this place to vent.


I just finished reading a few entries from a fellow Marine wife's blog whose husband was KIA just a couple of weeks ago. I don't know this woman personally, her blog was recommended to me by a friend, but my heart just absolutely breaks for her. It truly amazes me how strong these women are after experiencing something so traumatic. All I can think about is how bad it must hurt to marry the love of our life, expect to spend years and years with that person, and then all the sudden, at the age of 20, find yourself widowed. This girl wrote in her blog: "God chose me to be His wife because I am strong enough to get through this, and I will, for Him." Just rewriting it makes me cry. I wish that I knew this girl, I wish that I could be there to give her a hug... I just wish there was something I could do because I can not even begin to imagine the pain she is feeling. I feel so selfish because I want to update my Facebook status and say something about how I can't wait for Ryan to come home... I'm so lucky that he's even able to come home. She won't ever get to see him walk through their front door again. I feel so selfish because as soon as I close the door when he leaves for work in the mornings, I already miss him. I'm so lucky to even have a husband who I can walk to the door. She has to wake up alone. It honestly makes me want to get down on my knees and thank God from the bottom of my heart for bringing my husband and my brother home safely. It makes me think to myself, "I'm going to stop taking the little things for granted." I don't try to but sometimes it just happens. I complain about Ryan taking forever to text me back... those girls would kill to have just one more phone call. I just want to pour every ounce of love I have into Ryan because someday, he just might not be here. Life is so unexpected and so unfair and so cruel sometimes. I just wish there was something I could do for these girls. They are living my worst fear. They are living every military wife's worst fear. And most of them do it with so much pride. I have so much respect for the women who continue to honor their husbands even after they've passed. The ones who honor them with dignity. The ones who stay strong because they need to for their children, their families, for themselves. I don't know how they do it, but they do. I admire them for their strength and the courage they have to get up each day and face the world when their world has been torn apart. I don't even know what else to say except thank you. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for standing proud. Thank you for your husband's unselfish service to our country and the sacrifices you are facing. I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss.